John R Purcell

Anyone who has ever made a purchase on line or at a local retailer has probably been asked to agree to answer a few questions in a survey to determine if the customer was satisfied with the product and the service they received. Of course they would like all the answers to be very favorable and the questions are worded to obtain the most favorable responses.

The following is a satirical example of a typical customer survey.

Dear Mr. Arnold Fitzhugh,

CONGRATULATIONS! on becoming the proud owner of the Deluxe model of our pet Poop retrieving device, "SCOOP DE POOP', Model #PS83642A-7xL2. This model is perfect for multi-pets including both feline and canine contributors. As the manufacturer of this functional and attractive tool, we would appreciate some feedback from you on your opinion of this delightful device which we are sure makes poop scooping a real pleasure instead of the irksome chore which you may had to contend with other not so nice devices.

If you would spare a moment to answer a few questions on the following survey, it would be greatly appreciated.

1.) Is the "SCOOP DE POOP, Model #PS83642A-7YL2, painted in bright attractive colors to your liking?

2.) Does the handle feel comfortable in your hand and provide you with a fast and smooth motion in the scooping of the poop?

3.) Is the poop holding part of the device large enough to accommodate multi-pet deposits?

4.) How many times a day do you utilize the "Scoop De Poop"?

5.) Compared to other not so nice scoopers, how would you rate the "Scoop De Poop"?

A.) Excellent or, B.) Fabulous?

Thank you, Mr. Fitzhugh, for taking part in our survey and we are looking forward to your response

Sincerely,

Mr. Goldfarb, President and CEO ,

Poop R Us, Camden, N.J.,12345

If the customer is easily pleased , he might reply to the survey questions as follows.

Dear Mr. Goldfarb,

I welcome your survey, especially since I and my whole family are so delighted with our new Scoop De Poop that I was planning to send you an unsolicited testimonial. I am happy to answer your survey instead.

1.) The color scheme is very much to my liking. I have but to take Scoop in hand to feel instantly lighter and happier and I know this is due to the colors that remind one of childhood and happy times at the beach.

2.) The handle feels very comfortable in my hand, both right and left, and lends itself greatly to fast, smooth scooping.

3.) Yes, the poop holding part is more than adequate -even considering we have two poopers in the family.

4.) My practice is to scoop daily, in the late afternoon, just as the sun is beginning to slant across the yard because this lighting effects lights up the poop so I can see it more effectively.

5.) I rate the Scoop De Poop both A and B, it is Excellent Fabulous. I have retired the previously used scooper to a place of shame and disgrace.

If you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Mr. Fitzhugh, Newly Converted Scooper De Pooper